foxtales

Poems and Prose by Tim Fox

  • 5 No-Cost, Practical Ways to Save Your Mind

    Social media is full of meaningless, impractical, and sometimes useless “inspirational” messages.

    So I’d like to offer 5 easy, no-cost things you can do today to improve your mental and physical health.

    1. Make Your “To Do” List a “Get to Do” List. Virtually every daily chore has an upside. Have to pay bills? Be glad you have the money! Have to clean house? Hey, you have a house! Running your kids somewhere? Congratulations, you won the fertility lottery! You get the idea.
    2. Take the Win. You’ll notice small improvements happening all the time if you are open to them. Look for them all the time–even the ones that seem the most insignificant.
    3. Park Further Away. Don’t stress yourself out, risk your car, risk your life, and risk other people’s lives by trying to get the best parking space in the lot. Who cares? Park further away, where no one else is. No one will ding you with your car door, you’ll get a little exercise, and you’ll be forced to slow down. Plus, see #1: YOU HAVE A CAR!
    4. Use the Stairs. If you’re blessed with functioning legs, take the stairs! No waiting for the elevator, no awkward silence on the way up or down, and you’ll even get a little exercise. Bonus points for bouncing up or mindfully flexing on the way.
    5. Hold a Rock. Hey, the dumbest rock has already survived millions of years longer than you will! And while you can think about how short and meaningless your life is as you hold that rock, you can also realize that it means you can try virtually anything that you’re able to try. Hardly anyone has the power to literally end the world.

  • Time Pieces

    I

    I deny that time exists
    I deny that we grow old
    Everything that’s ever been
    Everyone we’ve ever known
    Is with us now

    II


    Time collapses
    Time reverses
    Time walks out
    In stolen hearses
    Feel the life
    That’s all around you
    People seem to pass right by you
    But no—
    They only turn away

    III


    In some great beyond
    Infinity glimpses in broken pieces
    Smiles shown on fading faces
    Hands to hold
    The back of a car
    The movie ends
    The lights go up
    Collect your things
    You’re hair’s mussed up 

    IV


    I have all I need right now
    I don’t need you any more
    I’ll see you later anyway
    I’ll see you where I did before
    The clinging one-piece on the lawn
    The time you took me to the floor
    The time I held you in the park
    That day outside the shopping mall
    Suburban dreams that go to dust
    Days gone by in wanton lust
    Younger then and older now
    I keep you with me anyhow
    Where skin stays fresh and lean and smooth
    Where hands that hold can also move
    Where everything I’ve ever had
    Where time collapses
    Anyhow

  • Birthday Blues

    I wake up every morning
    ‘Bout a quarter past four
    I say I wake up every morning
    ‘Bout a quarter past four
    Then I sit and drink my coffee
    ‘Til baby I can’t sit no more

    I was born on the ’60s
    I was born in 1966
    Said I was born in the ’60s
    ‘Round 1966
    Revolution was a-comin’
    Guess that’s something I must’a missed

    Grew up in the ’70s
    Lord we ran wild and free
    Yes I grew up in the ’70s
    Everybody ran so wild and free
    Filled my mind up in the ’80s
    I guess that’s what’s been bothering me

    When I think about the future
    It seems too much like the past
    Oh, when I think about the future
    It seems just like the past
    When I think I’m movin’ forward
    Swear I’m takin’ two steps back

    I wake up every morning
    ‘Bout a quarter past four
    I say I wake up every morning
    ‘Bout a quarter past four
    Then I sit and drink my coffee
    ‘Til baby I can’t sit no more



  • Not Gone

    Days of playing peek a boo are done
    I see you now I see the sun
    And when I think that I might come undone I look again
    ’cause you’re not gone

    When you we small we used to play
    We had a million ways to fill the day
    Now I see you and you’re oh so big I look again
    ‘Cause you’re not gone

    Chorus
    Playing in the ocean, dancing in the sea
    Baby I see you, but do you see me?
    Building sand with castles might be a way to go
    But baby I see you just so you know


    Our Christmas miracle come to life
    You were the end of our long strife
    We thought we knew you but we were wrong
    We look again
    ‘Cause you’re not gone

    And if we could pack up all these days
    Hide ’em in a drawer pack them away
    I know we would just to hear you say
    Mommy I’m still here–I am not gone

    You think you know how things will be
    I’d give it all so you might see
    The future’s never what it’s meant to be
    It’s up to you
    ‘Cause you’re not gone

    So hold on to the things you know are dear
    Hold them up close from year to year
    ‘Cause some day everything is gone
    But we’ll live on
    If only in this song

  • Quintet

    For Charmaine

    I

    On the live cut, Herbie sets the tempo
    Two chords on the piano, simple—
    Lub dub, lub dub, lub dub, lub dub
    So what, so what, so what, so what
    But Miles is impatient.
    He crashes in on trumpet,
    Staccato blasts punctuated by heat,
    As Ron’s bass races to keep up
    And Tony pounds away
    And George slides along
    And Herbie keeps driving Miles home,
    Variations on a theme:
    So what, so what, so what, so what

    II

    This is the pulse that coursed through her:
    “You can’t join the Navy–you’re a girl!”
    So what
    “You can’t go to Iraq—you’ll get killed!”
    So what
    “You can’t live–you have cancer!”
    So what
    “You can’t make a full-color, perfect-bound, printed-on-heavy-stock, professionally written and edited magazine about East St. Louis, Illinois—with your own money—and give it away—for FREE!”
    So what
    So what, so what, so what, so what

    III

    Back to the song–
    Miles and George are in a wrestling match
    Ron keeps them grounded, going home again, yet far away
    While Tony keeps bringing Miles back,
    Mystic rhythms on a February night, 1964 …
    She wasn’t even born yet, and yet they knew
    For this is the thing from which greatness comes
    For this is the thing from which life and hope flow
    For this is the thing from which everything returns
    The dust and the blood and the life on those 1917 streets,
    Still wet from the firehoses, sky glows orange, people cry,
    Factories hum, cattle low in darkness, pigs squeal and scramble,
    Boats on the river, people in the clubs, even masons held court here—
    The Eagles, the Elks, the Tribe of Ben Hur,
    The Loyal Order of the Moose, the Maccabees, the Woodmen of the World,
    The Ainad Temple the Shriners built, still presiding on Collinsville Avenue,
    and all white, back in 1920-something …
    But the first thing she said to me was—
    sitting in her first office on 25th street, shivering, for two hours, with no heat, on a gray January day, just like this one—
    the first thing she said to me was,
    “This is about promoting East St. Louis, not going back to the ‘good old days’”—
    And it was.

    IV

    Three years.
    Think about all the people, just the people whom I’ve interviewed,
    Just me, personally:
    Dr. Warletta Brookins
    Homer Bush
    Marla Byrd
    Mary Collins
    Damon Davis
    Raymond Desmond
    East Side Works!
    Najah Fennoy
    Todd Fulton
    Dr. Juanita Harris
    Myshoska Harris
    LaShana Lewis
    Ashley McKinney
    Dr. Karla Scott
    Patrick Smith
    Vincent and Lekeisha Williams …
    These people told me the stories about where they are today
    Because of—not despite—where they came from.
    People told them they couldn’t, and they all said—
    So what, so what, so what, so what

    V

    nly Miles and Tony are together today, and now they have Charmaine,
    Riffing on Keys of Life in the hereafter, forever,
    As Herbie and George and Ron keep it going here, for now—
    So what, so what, so what, so what
    Things pass, but the legends remain—
    The pretty girl in the classroom, smile bigger than life itself—
    She finally found something for herself, Lorenzo says,
    And that is true, because she didn’t need me
    She never really needed me
    But I am glad she brought me along to hear
    Her beating heart, her never-ending pulse of life,
    Stilled, for now—
    So what, so what, so what, so what

  • The Rime of the Company Photographer

    My friend Ken MacSwan died August 27, 2018, at age 75. Ken and I worked together at Ameren Corporation for more than 12 years. He was a Scotsman, a Vietnam veteran, a musician, an illustrator, a puppeteer, a ventriloquist, and, at Ameren, a company photographer. In the days before everyone had a phone with a camera, I traveled with him around Illinois and Missouri documenting power plant projects, charitable gifts, employee safety records, and more. He took all of the pictures of me on my website, in exchange for lunches at Steak n’ Shake. I wrote this for him on the occasion of his 20th anniversary with Ameren in 2004.

    He started out at half-past dawn
    Started out did he
    For strange and far-away locales
    In Ameren’s service territor-ee

    The car was packed, the gear was stowed
    On the fateful day
    When Ken MacSwan, Photographer
    Began to make his way

    He stopped but once at Mickey D’s
    For coffee and a snack
    Then packed it up and left again–
    There would be no turning back

    No turning back, no sir, not he
    For the schedule all was set
    All was arranged, all procured
    Not a stop did he forget

    First there was a little office
    Somewhere near Quincy, Illinois
    Someone had got a SmartLights grant–
    A great big check–Oh Boy!

    But his contact said that Bill was sick
    And Mary, she had quit
    Tommy was off, Jane moved away,
    Rick had it handed to him on a spit

    So it was only he and Steve Bradshaw
    Holding forth along the plain
    Holding on to that big check–
    And then, it started to rain

    Great big drops fell down in heaves
    Upon the windshield clear
    And Ken MacSwan, Photographer
    Considered stopping for a beer

    But no, not he, not he today!
    For it was on toward Meredosia
    Where a crew had been put on hold
    To celebrate satisfying OSHA

    He pulled up where he was supposed to be
    Somewhere between here and there
    Pulled up, did he, and quickly found
    That there was no one, anywhere

    “Yes,” his contact said, “‘Tis true
    Yes, it’s sad to tell
    We had a storm in Effingham
    And the day has gone to hell!”

    So back to the road went he
    Headed for the Coffeen Plant
    Where many dollars had been spent
    For Ameren’s power to supplant

    He took the elevator up
    To elevation six-eleven
    Scaled ladders, catwalks, passageways
    Until he thought he was near Heaven

    Then inside the boilerwent he
    Where the tubes stood bright and gleaming
    Freshly welded all were they
    For to keep the steam a’steaming

    Back down he went to the floor below
    Where the crews were just departing
    He looked down upon the just-closed turbine
    Now ready for the starting

    “What gives?” said he, to the manager
    Who stood there happily smiling
    “Where are the crews, the sweat, the toil–
    the guy who Tim’s profiling?”

    “Aye, ’tis true, my friend,”
    the manager said
    “‘Tis true, there is no lie
    ‘Twas a marvelous thing that these men did,
    It’s on them I can rely

    “They got the job done early,
    Yes, and all that I’ve got to say
    Is it really would have been better for you
    If you’d been here yesterday.”

    So back into the car went he,
    Headed back to old St. Lou
    With a camera full of nothing
    And ice-cold water in his shoe

    Back came he, the Photographer,
    Across the misty plain
    Back came he, that Ken MacSwan–
    To do it all a-gain.

     

  • Thinking about Memoir

    Something is wrong with me.

    I can’t get images and memories out of my head. I want to recreate them and capture them and hold onto them forever, but I can’t.

    The advantage I have: 30+years of journals. But even with these prompts, it’s hard to capture exactly what some things felt like.

    It’s frustrating. It’s why, I think, artists are a depressive lot. The thing created never matches what’s in the mind.

    Yet I feel I want to start. Create a folder on my computer and create Word docs and name them for the particular things I want to hold on to. That I want other people to get and feel because it was so powerfully meaningful to me when I got and felt it.

    I guess I should just start.

  • Metaphors of the Gods

    Thoughts inspired by Dennis Patrick Slattery, “Dionysus, Apollo, and Asklepios: The Road from Dis-ease to Recovery, A Bio Mythic Narrative,” Jung Journal: Psyche and Culture 12:3 (Summer 2018): 45-53.

    In a painfully detailed account of his battle with a blood-borne infection, Pacifica graduate Institute emeritus professor Dennis Slattery describes his experience as bodily visitations by the Greek gods Dionysus, Apollo, and Asklepios–Apollos’ son, represented by the snake on the well-known symbol of medicine. Of the three, he writes:

    Dionysus demanded that I give up, yield, and surrender to a process that was imposed from without, driving self-determination into limbo and parking it there for an indefinite period. Fighting this powerful god’s presence and direction risks further dismemberment, which would inevitably insist on a longer recovery.”

    “I credit Apollo the purifier for allowing me to put the pieces of my life back into alignment.”

    Asklepios furthers his father’s work as purifier.”

    I was curious–does Slattery literally believe he had been visited by gods, or was he using these concepts as metaphors for otherwise indescribable feelings?

    So I asked him, and here’s what he said:

    “The gods like myth itself, as James Hillman phrases it, never happened; therefore they are always happening. A bit paradoxical, to be sure.

    “As to literal, no; but concrete, yes. They are parts of the psyche that stand for different propensities, patterns, presences that are active in our lives. They are imaginal creations but not to suggest that they are not “real” in the way that joy, resentments, love are real.

    “So, yes, they are not to be taken literally but psychically as presences”

    I wonder . . . what metaphors could I find to express the things that I find otherwise inexpressible. Water flowing under melting ice on the first warm day after winter. A falling star. The smell of spring.

  • Air Can Hurt You Too

    Thoughts inspired by Rachael A. Vaughan, “Last Traces of the Pagan Imagination: The Cultural Unconscious in British Magical Children’s Books,” Jung Journal: Psyche and Culture 12:3 (Summer 2018): 15-25.

    I’m thinking about air. And water. And how the fish never notices the water and we never notice the air, because it is always around us. Always. And it is full of stuff we don’t notice. Lies and truths and everything in between. But we don’t notice because … it’s always there.

    Imagine a time before agriculture. Nine thousand years ago. No cultivated land, no fences, no crops, no ownership. Just earth and your ability to gather what you can from it to survive. How would your relationship with that earth be different from the way we live now? Would you not ascribe magic, mysterious powers to the sun, the moon, the changing seasons, the rain, the sky?

    Of course you would. We live now not just post-agriculturally, but post-industrially. Things happen we don’t understand and we behave like it’s magic. Few of us really know how computers work, or our phones, or social media. It just does and it’s like magic, and when it doesn’t work we panic and feel deeply, personally offended, and we feel like the gods are mocking us. The Gods of the Silicon Valley.

    In Vaughan’s article, she describes how remnants of the magic created to understand the natural world persist today, but we not only don’t understand it, but we don’t even perceive it. It’s just the air. It’s just us. To understand it, to perceive it, we have to work to adapt our consciousness to see our existence as an object, not as a thing becoming, but as a thing that is. But this air is already polluted by all of these motes of lie and superstition and prejudice, as well as truths, many of which are too painful to admit.

    Vaughan also describes how universality is part of this mythical world. We live like everything is universal, like we all experience things the same way, but we don’t. Her example is Joseph Campbell’s famous writing on the hero’s journey. Citing Hayao Kawai’s book Japanese Psyche: Major Motifs in the Fairy Tales of Japan, she writes: “The hero’s journey may not be so universal after all: Japanese folk tales, for example, tend to end anticlimactically, with no denouement involving the overcoming of monsters, capturing of treasure, and subsequent triumphant return. Teh hero storyline may be a specifically Western one, and its apparent universality a result either of empire and colonization, or of the cultural assumptions of Jungians in the West, blinded by an ahistorical, universalist focus.”

    But this is the air we breath. Western air, where every story requires a hero (usually male) overcoming obstacles on a quest, which (usually) he ultimately achieves.

    Or consider this, from Anastasia Basil’s essay “Relax, Ladies. Don’t Be So Uptight. You Know You Want It”: “No one thinks of themselves as a byproduct of a generation. Your parents and grandparents, sure, they’re byproducts. (Exhibit A, your grandmother’s helmet-shaped perm.) But not you. You’re aware of the trends and social attitudes of your generation, but your thoughts, proclivities, and the votes you cast are entirely your own. Or are they? Every generation is a slop-sink of prejudices, norms, and ideologies, and since we humans are more sponge-like than rock-like, we naturally absorb our share of generational sludge. Tobacco-smoke enemas were all the rage in the 18th century. Stomach ache? Heart stalled? Typhoid? Doctors blew smoke up your ass. The United States performed over 40,000 lobotomies between the 1940s and ’50s, more than any other nation.”

    So we live in a slop-sink that we don’t see or hear or smell or taste or even acknowledge, until something comes along to make it stop working, and then we are mad. Oh, Lord, how we are mad! We panic and feel deeply, personally offended, and we feel like the gods are mocking us. And that’s when we start looking for others to blame and new stories to tell so that it all starts working again. And sometimes people in power understand this, and they know how to manipulate it and us so that we do their bidding.

    But we don’t notice, because that’s the air we’ve always been in.

     

  • New Horizon

    The worst piece of advice I ever got about running was “Keep your eyes on the horizon.”

    It has taking me two years to figure out that this is bad advice. Very bad advice. I now blame it for much of my procrastination and existential dread of exercise. Now I’m thinking it may also have caused procrastination and existential dread of life.

    The horizon is always receding. You never reach a horizon. Horizons are unattainable, limitless, and infinitely far away. Why would I rush out in the morning to run toward something I can never  attain?

    So recently I started focusing on the two or three feet in front of me, only glancing up to look for obstacles–passing cars, barking dogs, babies being pushed in strollers. I always say hello to dogs, babies, and other strangers.

    It makes the time go faster and the distances grow shorter. I can manage the two or three feet in front of me. I can turn if I want. And no matter which way I turn, the horizon is always there anyway.

    And I don’t worry about tripping.